Dilemmas, Dilemmas

Day 18 - Today I will try to be aware of ways I'm still trying to earn your love.  I want to learn to rest in your grace.

Rest.  Does anyone in America truly know what that word means?  I'm not sure I do.  Even when I'm "resting,"  at the very least I'm making a to-do list in my head.  We are continually going, non-stop, all day long.  There are some days I wake up, get ready for work, do the dishes, update the budget, pack my lunch, vacuum, go to work, come home for my "break" which means unloading the dishwasher and putting away the dishes I did in the morning as well as writing out a few checks, then it's back to work, take laundry to laundromat, get home, clean up some clutter, go switch laundry to dryer, go back home, start dinner, go pick up laundry, finish dinner, fold laundry, eat dinner, start the grocery list/menu for the next couple of weeks, research moving companies, balance checkbook, go to bed...  The insanity is that I do this all of the time.  It isn't very often where I just sit in front of the TV and do nothing (and I'm sure this goes for many, MANY other people).  I always have to be busy.  My mind doesn't have a pause button.  In other words, I don't know what rest means.  This brings us to my first dilemma - how am I supposed to rest in God's grace if I don't know what resting even looks like?

Second dilemma - as Sheila Walsh notes, we (human beings) feel that we need to contribute in some way to anything that we receive.  We are receiving God's love, abundantly I might add, so we feel as if we need to contribute.  This looks different for each person - it may mean giving tithe and then some.  Or maybe it's spending every Saturday at the homeless shelter.  Or giving up something for lent.  Or, in my case, trying to maintain a picture of perfection.  Yes, I said it.  I am a perfectionist.  I want the vision people see of me to be a perfect one.  I don't want people to see me mess up, I don't want God to see me mess up.  But the fact of the matter is - I'm not perfect, I can't be perfect.  And if I think I can earn God's love through perfection, well then, I'm never going to earn it.

Yet then again...that's the whole point.  I can't earn God's love.  I already have it.  I have to stop trying to be perfect in order to earn His love.  If I mess up, from a simple slip to a huge mess, He is still going to love me because His love and my perfection are not connected.

So, in order to resolve my two dilemmas I have to simply let go.  I have to let go of this ideal of perfection...it isn't going to happen on this earth.  And if I'm not trying so hard to be perfect (the perfect employee, the perfect wife, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect friend...) then maybe I can sit back and actually rest for once.  Wait, what does that mean again??  : )  Just kidding.

Thank You, Lord, for the gift of your grace.  It brings me joy and peace in knowing that I don't have do anything in order to earn it, I don't even have to lift a finger!

Amazing Grace

Day 12 - Today I will extend to others the grace Jesus himself has shown me, looking beyond the outer shell to the heart within.

Extending grace to other is pretty easy when all is fine and dandy.  But it isn't easy when people are harsh, rude, unfriendly, or hurtful.  I've been hurt a lot in the past...and it isn't easy for me to extend grace to those that have hurt me.  Today I tried, in a small way.  I didn't get anything in return but today I looked at things differently - I didn't expect anything in return.  That isn't what grace is about.  Grace is giving freely without expecting anything in return.  Christ knew that the gift of His grace was going to hurt, literally hurt, but He did it anyhow!  I've received His grace now it's my turn to give it to others!  I have to look at people through His eyes instead of my own.  I wish I were able to do it more often but sometimes I boldly pray - "Lord, help me to love them as You love them, help me to see them as You see them"...I'm making it a point to pray that everyday!

Good Morning Lord!

I've stumbled across a few dilemmas lately.  First of all, I want to blog...but I can't get motivated.  I've come to the conclusion that this may be because I don't have a theme for my blog.  My second dilemma of late is that I start devotionals or Scripture reading plans and stop half way through because I'm burnt out.  But now...I've found the solution.  Recently I began a devotional by Sheila Walsh entitled "Good Morning Lord."  Each day is basically started with a sort of challenge, for instance - "Today I will follow Jesus" or "Today I will..."  You get the idea.  In order to keep myself accountable and to actually finish this devotional I have decided that the new theme of my blog is 'spiritually naked.'  I'm going to write how and if I accomplished my goal each day, starting with today (so in order to see the first 6 challenges you will have to buy the book!).  :)  I'm hoping this will help me pay better attention to what I'm supposed to be learning and how God is working in my life.  I also hope that I may be an inspiration for anyone that reads this!  I know I'm not perfect, though I sometimes hate to admit that...this will be a new experience for me, but it is something I am truly, truly excited about!  Look out world, I'm wakin' up with the Lord!

And so Day 1  begins...

TODAY I WILL PRAISE YOU FOR YOUR AMAZING GRACE

Reading this challenge this morning I was reminded of when I first received the grace of God.  I was only 7 but His grace was SO real to me.  It was so simple to understand when the biggest thing I needed grace for was lying to my parents or pinching my little brother.  But God's grace becomes more and more difficult to fathom the more and more I make mistakes.  And it seems that the mistakes grow with my age.  How can someone extend so much grace??  But that is why His grace is so amazing!!  It was discussed in class at one point how we over use the words amazing and awesome...I mean, does the bag your best friend just got really strike you with awe?  I doubt it.  But God's grace, now that is something that takes your breath away, that leaves you speechless, that fills you with awe.  His grace is truly awesome, it is truly amazing!  Why?  Because we don't deserve it and we could never earn it!

Throughout the day I was reminded that while I feel that certain people don't deserve grace, the reality is that none of us do.  I certainly don't.  Thank You Lord for Your awesome and amazing grace!