The Question "Why?" and Throwing Stones.

No, I haven't fallen off the edge of the earth.  No, I haven't stopped doing my devotions.   Yes, I have forgotten to blog.  But I'm back due to some recent inspiration.

A couple of days ago my challenge was as follows: Today I will remember that my only hope is in you and that you are with me always.  


Sheila put the obvious and factual but somewhat uncomfortable statement out there: "Job never received an answer to his first question - 'Why?'"  I stopped.  No, no he didn't.  But that is the question I ask myself every time I start over-thinking or dwelling on the past.  Why?  Why then?  Why me?  Why?  Why?  Why?  But if Job never got an answer...well then God certainly isn't going to answer my why.  Well *Humph.*  Ugh.  ...Then Sheila continues..."But Job did gain the new understanding that his only hope was in God."  THERE!  That is what I'm supposed to get out of this...my only hope is in God.  In the end it doesn't matter why - all that matters is God is STILL there, He is right by my side!  Sheila used Psalm 139:7-10 to convey His everlasting presence:
 
                    Where can I go from Your Spirit?
                          Or where can I flee from your presence?
                    If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
                          If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
                   If I take the wings of the morning,
                         And dwell in the uttermost part of the sea,
                   Even there Your hand shall lead me,
                        And your right hand shall hold me.

At first glance you might be thinking...okay???  But this passage gives me such hope! No matter what I do - if I mess up, He's still there.  If I'm on my A game, He's still there!  If I'm all alone and I can't seem to understand why....He is still there.  You would think the devotion itself would have been enough for the day but God wasn't done with me yet.  I started my daily Scripture reading.  On this day I read about Stephen the martyr.  Stephen was doing everything right - He was telling the world about our wonderful savior but the people were unhappy and decided to stone him to death!  But do you know what he did in response?  He asked God to not hold this sin against them!?!  Stephen never even thought to throw a stone back - figuratively or literally.  I read this and thought to myself - "If only I could be so good..."

So what did I learn on this day?  First, I'm not going to get an answer to the never-ending "why?"  But that doesn't mean I should be figuratively throwing stones at anyone.  It means that I need to literally rest in knowing that God is by my side constantly.  He will never, EVER leave me.  And that gives me all the hope in the world.  At the end of today I am thankful for His undying love for me.  I am thankful that because of Him I have everlasting hope.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't have something to look forward to. It's exhilirating!!

Potholes

Day 3 - Today I will remember that my failure to forgive myself is a prideful choice to not receive your grace.

*ouch*  That statement really cuts deep.  I didn't even have to think about it for more than half a second - guilty as charged.  But then I started to justify myself.  My guilty feelings, my lack of forgiveness for myself...that isn't my pride.  I'm allowed to feel guilty!  And then I read that again, out loud, - "my failure to forgive myself is a prideful choice to not receive your grace."  *ouch*  Yep, no matter how many times I read it or say it, I can't make the ring of truth go away...

Once God forgives us (which is immediately after we ask) we have to forgive ourselves.  If we don't "we have made the court of our opinion more powerful than the court of our holy and just God" (Walsh 20).  This definitely made me think a little bit harder of all the feelings I've been harboring.  It seems like forgiveness has come up a lot.  I'm not sure if forgiving others or forgiving myself is going to be harder...all I know is the road ahead is going to be a little bumpy.  But I'm willing and ready to face it all...  In closing, I'd like to mention the quote that popped to my mind when I mentioned a bumpy road.

"There are potholes on the road less traveled.  Some deep, some not so deep, some you dig yourself.  Most are filled with mud.  Many contain rocks.  Once in awhile, however, you'll be walking along and step in one a bit more accommodating...shabby, green, and pulsing with life.  It'll tickle your feet, like clover" (from the novel Flabbergasted).  

What hope!