Day 15 - Today I will choose to be open with a trusted fellow believer about one of my failures or weaknesses and let God minister to me through that person.
I knew this morning when I read this that I wasn't going to see very many people that this would include. Yeah, my boss and one of the girls at work...but today was pretty crazy...no time for serious conversation (which is pretty usual). I thought about calling my mom or dad but phone conversations of that matter aren't as easy as talking to someone in person. The obvious choice, even from the beginning, is my wonderful hubby. But the fact of the matter is that my failure, my weakness, like I've mentioned before, is my lack of forgiveness. And Justin doesn't exactly enjoy talking about that situation.
But I did mention it. Before we started another episode of Bones on Netlfix, I mentioned that I needed to blog but that I hadn't done what I was supposed to which was talk to someone. And then I continued to talk to him. He didn't get upset or irritated at all. You see, he also tends to struggle with the same thing. He reminded me that we are supposed to support each other in our weaknesses. God gave us each other for that purpose. So not only does God have my back, Justin does too! I can do this! And as Justin reminded me, it is a process. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and completely forgive everyone for everything they've done...but if I continue to make a conscious choice, it will eventually become a habit, a truth. I will forgive.
Sidenote - I am so very thankful for a husband who has been with me through some pretty hard times already. Though he may get frustrated at moments, he has my back. He would go to the end of the earth for me! Every time I hear the song God Gave Me You, I get that giddy, girly grin. I moved 1200 miles away and somehow God still gave me a wonderful, amazing man from home. He knew just what I needed...even when I didn't.
Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Energizer Bunny
So yeah...I really slacked off this past week...or so... *sigh* I did just a couple of devos and exactly no blogs. But I'm hoping to get back on track....with each of the aforementioned.
Day 14 - Today I will take another step toward forgiving someone I've struggled to forgive.
Apparently God is really wanting to work on this forgiveness thing with me...because it is probably the biggest struggle I have right now. I do have to say, the bitterness is beginning to subside. For that, I am much happier....literally. Have you ever had that shirt where the tag just bugs the back of your neck all day long? You scratch, you adjust, you do anything you can think of but it still just irritates the heck out of you? Getting rid of bitterness is like getting rid of that tag!
Unfortunately, just because I'm not bitter does not mean that I have forgiven. Through reading this devotion this morning I realized what is holding me back - I want justice. But as Sheila Walsh puts it, "When we forgive...We realize that we won't find justice in this world - it doesn't live here." I may not feel like forgiving because I don't think its fair. Well guess what folks, as our parents have continually told us, "Life isn't fair!" Forgiveness isn't a feeling, it's a choice. But, oh, what a choice that is! It isn't just a one time thing. Choosing to forgive is a daily choice. Yes, I have forgiven today...but tomorrow, when all of those hurtful thoughts and feelings resurface I have to choose to forgive again...and again...and again.
Today, I choose to forgive. And hopefully tomorrow...and the next day...and the next day...and the next day...
Well, you get the point : )
Day 14 - Today I will take another step toward forgiving someone I've struggled to forgive.
Apparently God is really wanting to work on this forgiveness thing with me...because it is probably the biggest struggle I have right now. I do have to say, the bitterness is beginning to subside. For that, I am much happier....literally. Have you ever had that shirt where the tag just bugs the back of your neck all day long? You scratch, you adjust, you do anything you can think of but it still just irritates the heck out of you? Getting rid of bitterness is like getting rid of that tag!
Unfortunately, just because I'm not bitter does not mean that I have forgiven. Through reading this devotion this morning I realized what is holding me back - I want justice. But as Sheila Walsh puts it, "When we forgive...We realize that we won't find justice in this world - it doesn't live here." I may not feel like forgiving because I don't think its fair. Well guess what folks, as our parents have continually told us, "Life isn't fair!" Forgiveness isn't a feeling, it's a choice. But, oh, what a choice that is! It isn't just a one time thing. Choosing to forgive is a daily choice. Yes, I have forgiven today...but tomorrow, when all of those hurtful thoughts and feelings resurface I have to choose to forgive again...and again...and again.
Today, I choose to forgive. And hopefully tomorrow...and the next day...and the next day...and the next day...
Well, you get the point : )
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Potholes
Day 3 - Today I will remember that my failure to forgive myself is a prideful choice to not receive your grace.
*ouch* That statement really cuts deep. I didn't even have to think about it for more than half a second - guilty as charged. But then I started to justify myself. My guilty feelings, my lack of forgiveness for myself...that isn't my pride. I'm allowed to feel guilty! And then I read that again, out loud, - "my failure to forgive myself is a prideful choice to not receive your grace." *ouch* Yep, no matter how many times I read it or say it, I can't make the ring of truth go away...
Once God forgives us (which is immediately after we ask) we have to forgive ourselves. If we don't "we have made the court of our opinion more powerful than the court of our holy and just God" (Walsh 20). This definitely made me think a little bit harder of all the feelings I've been harboring. It seems like forgiveness has come up a lot. I'm not sure if forgiving others or forgiving myself is going to be harder...all I know is the road ahead is going to be a little bumpy. But I'm willing and ready to face it all... In closing, I'd like to mention the quote that popped to my mind when I mentioned a bumpy road.
*ouch* That statement really cuts deep. I didn't even have to think about it for more than half a second - guilty as charged. But then I started to justify myself. My guilty feelings, my lack of forgiveness for myself...that isn't my pride. I'm allowed to feel guilty! And then I read that again, out loud, - "my failure to forgive myself is a prideful choice to not receive your grace." *ouch* Yep, no matter how many times I read it or say it, I can't make the ring of truth go away...
Once God forgives us (which is immediately after we ask) we have to forgive ourselves. If we don't "we have made the court of our opinion more powerful than the court of our holy and just God" (Walsh 20). This definitely made me think a little bit harder of all the feelings I've been harboring. It seems like forgiveness has come up a lot. I'm not sure if forgiving others or forgiving myself is going to be harder...all I know is the road ahead is going to be a little bumpy. But I'm willing and ready to face it all... In closing, I'd like to mention the quote that popped to my mind when I mentioned a bumpy road.
"There are potholes on the road less traveled. Some deep, some not so deep, some you dig yourself. Most are filled with mud. Many contain rocks. Once in awhile, however, you'll be walking along and step in one a bit more accommodating...shabby, green, and pulsing with life. It'll tickle your feet, like clover" (from the novel Flabbergasted).
What hope!
Friday, August 19, 2011
At the Root of the Matter
Day 2 - Today I will let your light shine into my hidden places.
This morning I read this challenge and thought my blog was going to be quite boring this evening. I didn't think I had anything to hide from God. But I realized He has been working on a certain area this whole week, I just hadn't been able to admit it to Him (interesting how He knows my secrets before I do...). I have been holding back forgiveness which has led to bitterness and could very quickly lead to hatred. I reread the devotion when I got home from work this afternoon and the concluding verse really stuck out to me - "The Lord says, "Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it?" - Isaiah 43:18-19 (NCV)
My lack of forgiveness, my holding on to the past, has me stuck in a place I shouldn't be. I can't be happy with the present, I can't look forward to the future, because a very big part of me is still very much stuck in the past. This realization didn't just hit me today though. It's kind of like watching a mosquito bite your skin - sometimes you can't help but watch in amusement, wondering how it all really works...but what you can't see is the poison that is entering your blood...yeah, it may just cause an itch...but that poison could carry malaria or some other deathly disease. My lack of forgiveness was comfortable. I knew it wasn't good for me, that it would probably cause an irritating itch of bitterness but I never really thought of the potential outcome. What if that irritating itch turned to hatred?
We watched the movie Defiance tonight. It tells the true life story of a forest camp of Jews during WWII...choosing starvation and bitter cold over death camps. My heart is especially broken at the cruelty and unfairness of this world and movies such as this throw my emotions for a loop. I was in tears at all of the hatred that caused such situations. One man had so much hatred in his heart that he created the genocide of an entire race of people. How could this happen? And then it hit me. That's the difference - God is love. Love creates. Hatred destroys.
It was like a slap in the face. At what point would my bitterness grow to hatred? But wait...if bitterness is the seed of hatred, hasn't destruction already begun? Hasn't it already been planted? I have to do something about this. I know that forgiveness is not an easy task but I know that it is essential. I cannot be forgiven unless I first forgive (Mark 11:25-26) and I have made too many mistakes to count. I must stop the destruction and return to the root of all creation - love.
As noted, it won't be an easy process...and it is quite scary. Matthew West recently came out with a song called Strong Enough. It has been very encouraging and I know now that, for me, this song was meant for such a time as this. (Find song and lyrics here.) I'm not strong enough to do this on my own but He can be strong enough for the both of us!
"Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it?"
This morning I read this challenge and thought my blog was going to be quite boring this evening. I didn't think I had anything to hide from God. But I realized He has been working on a certain area this whole week, I just hadn't been able to admit it to Him (interesting how He knows my secrets before I do...). I have been holding back forgiveness which has led to bitterness and could very quickly lead to hatred. I reread the devotion when I got home from work this afternoon and the concluding verse really stuck out to me - "The Lord says, "Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it?" - Isaiah 43:18-19 (NCV)
My lack of forgiveness, my holding on to the past, has me stuck in a place I shouldn't be. I can't be happy with the present, I can't look forward to the future, because a very big part of me is still very much stuck in the past. This realization didn't just hit me today though. It's kind of like watching a mosquito bite your skin - sometimes you can't help but watch in amusement, wondering how it all really works...but what you can't see is the poison that is entering your blood...yeah, it may just cause an itch...but that poison could carry malaria or some other deathly disease. My lack of forgiveness was comfortable. I knew it wasn't good for me, that it would probably cause an irritating itch of bitterness but I never really thought of the potential outcome. What if that irritating itch turned to hatred?
We watched the movie Defiance tonight. It tells the true life story of a forest camp of Jews during WWII...choosing starvation and bitter cold over death camps. My heart is especially broken at the cruelty and unfairness of this world and movies such as this throw my emotions for a loop. I was in tears at all of the hatred that caused such situations. One man had so much hatred in his heart that he created the genocide of an entire race of people. How could this happen? And then it hit me. That's the difference - God is love. Love creates. Hatred destroys.
It was like a slap in the face. At what point would my bitterness grow to hatred? But wait...if bitterness is the seed of hatred, hasn't destruction already begun? Hasn't it already been planted? I have to do something about this. I know that forgiveness is not an easy task but I know that it is essential. I cannot be forgiven unless I first forgive (Mark 11:25-26) and I have made too many mistakes to count. I must stop the destruction and return to the root of all creation - love.
As noted, it won't be an easy process...and it is quite scary. Matthew West recently came out with a song called Strong Enough. It has been very encouraging and I know now that, for me, this song was meant for such a time as this. (Find song and lyrics here.) I'm not strong enough to do this on my own but He can be strong enough for the both of us!
"Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it?"
