Day 2 - Today I will let your light shine into my hidden places.
This morning I read this challenge and thought my blog was going to be quite boring this evening. I didn't think I had anything to hide from God. But I realized He has been working on a certain area this whole week, I just hadn't been able to admit it to Him (interesting how He knows my secrets before I do...). I have been holding back forgiveness which has led to bitterness and could very quickly lead to hatred. I reread the devotion when I got home from work this afternoon and the concluding verse really stuck out to me - "The Lord says, "Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it?" - Isaiah 43:18-19 (NCV)
My lack of forgiveness, my holding on to the past, has me stuck in a place I shouldn't be. I can't be happy with the present, I can't look forward to the future, because a very big part of me is still very much stuck in the past. This realization didn't just hit me today though. It's kind of like watching a mosquito bite your skin - sometimes you can't help but watch in amusement, wondering how it all really works...but what you can't see is the poison that is entering your blood...yeah, it may just cause an itch...but that poison could carry malaria or some other deathly disease. My lack of forgiveness was comfortable. I knew it wasn't good for me, that it would probably cause an irritating itch of bitterness but I never really thought of the potential outcome. What if that irritating itch turned to hatred?
We watched the movie Defiance tonight. It tells the true life story of a forest camp of Jews during WWII...choosing starvation and bitter cold over death camps. My heart is especially broken at the cruelty and unfairness of this world and movies such as this throw my emotions for a loop. I was in tears at all of the hatred that caused such situations. One man had so much hatred in his heart that he created the genocide of an entire race of people. How could this happen? And then it hit me. That's the difference - God is love. Love creates. Hatred destroys.
It was like a slap in the face. At what point would my bitterness grow to hatred? But wait...if bitterness is the seed of hatred, hasn't destruction already begun? Hasn't it already been planted? I have to do something about this. I know that forgiveness is not an easy task but I know that it is essential. I cannot be forgiven unless I first forgive (Mark 11:25-26) and I have made too many mistakes to count. I must stop the destruction and return to the root of all creation - love.
As noted, it won't be an easy process...and it is quite scary. Matthew West recently came out with a song called Strong Enough. It has been very encouraging and I know now that, for me, this song was meant for such a time as this. (Find song and lyrics here.) I'm not strong enough to do this on my own but He can be strong enough for the both of us!
"Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it?"
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